So I went on a date recently. And I can’t say a bad thing about it. The date, or the guy. Shocked? I was too. Even more so when nothing came of it…
He wasn’t an online dating prospect. After an entire year of bathroom mirror pictures, bad grammar, gang signs, and disappointment, I decided it wasn’t even worth it for the funny stories anymore. This guy was a friend of a friend. A mutual acquaintance. Allegedly the best way to meet someone these days. And I had no problem agreeing to go out with him. He’s tall, athletic, attractive, has perfect teeth… oh, and he’s nice. The date was pretty close to perfect. And when I say perfect I don’t mean it was straight out of an episode of the Bachelorette and we had a picnic on top of a private mountain in Maui. As far as first dates go, I believe it’s gone pretty well when you walk away from it looking forward to seeing the person again. We had drinks and appetizers, good conversation, no awkward silences, discovered we had a lot in common, we laughed, and had a little bit of what felt like chemistry. Apparently it’s been so long since I’ve felt it that my radar is slightly off. At the end of the night we talked about doing something again but didn’t set a specific day since we both had so much going on. I told him I had fun, thanked him for dinner, and went on my way. He didn’t try to kiss me which was unfortunate, but we were in a public place so I tried not to take it personally. And then… I never heard from him again.
I remember seeing an episode of Seinfeld that had something to do with George dating a woman that he couldn’t stand and wanted to break up with. They were sitting at the infamous café when he tries to break it off. He tries to give her the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. He tells her he has a fear of commitment. He doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. He’s still trying to find himself. Blah blah blah. That cliché monologue has been doled out a million different times a million different ways probably all over the world. But no matter how eloquent the speech or how well it’s masked in self-deprecating language, it’s just a nice way of saying “I’m not interested in you, but I’m going to take the easy way out and blame it on myself so you’re left with no real explanation.” In the episode, after some coercing by the woman, she gets George to tell her the real reason he doesn’t want to date her. He regrettably uses the word “pretentious” in his rant, and also tells her that her earrings are terrible. But at least she walked away from it with no doubt in her mind as to what happened. Unlike myself. I didn’t even get a speech. Even if I had, I don’t think this guy would have told me he was doing some kind of soul searching that would prevent him from being in a relationship. But I also don’t think he would have been honest enough to tell me my jewelry sucked or my personality was lacking. Does anyone ever really do that…? I have to say, I kind of wish they would.
And now I’m left wondering what it was this guy saw, or didn’t see, that made him not call. I know it’s my own fault for being overly analytical, but I can’t help wondering why. Am I too short? Is it because I didn’t wear a dress? Because I’m older than him? Did I swear too many times? Did he see my one annoying piece of grey hair that I’m too afraid to pick out because I believe the old wives tale that two will grow back in it’s place? Some of my friends suggested I just call him and ask him. Astounding display of common sense. Even if I had the b*lls to do something like that, do you really think he’d say “I was really turned off that you said you’d never go skydiving?” It would almost be refreshing to know that was it, instead of feeling too old or too short or too brunette or too blunt. And yes – I know that if a guy doesn’t like me because of one of those things there’s nothing I can do about it and it’s his loss. All I’m saying is that as women we tend to be our own worst critics and let our self-consciousness get carried away. It would save us hours of speculation, and save us tons of money spent on wine and therapy, if we could just get some honest feedback.
Could I do it? Could I be honest and tell a guy if there was something about him that I felt made us incompatible? Could I actually tell him it’s because he’s a smoker, has nothing but selfies on his FB page, spells “what’s” by typing “wutz,” or still thinks that drinking until 3am should be a weekend ritual? I think so. It’s not meant to be criticism. (OK – with the smoking it is). But if that’s where you are in life, then good for you. You’re just not the right guy for me. Which is absolutely what I would tell the incredibly sexy younger guy I met about a week after the aforementioned date. Actually I would tell him he’s an idiot, if I ever planned on speaking to him again. My friends warned me against this guy due to the 8 red flags that were immediately apparent when we met. But he was cute and seemingly charming, so I proceeded. Yeah, yeah. Who says just because you’re in your 30’s you always make good decisions? After a few flirty texts and a several invitations, I finally went out to meet up with him again. Where he proceeded to completely ignore me. So I left, obviously. And I am proud to say I only wasted a total of 2 minutes of my life analyzing. Definitely not me. Definitely him. Idiot.
I’m going to be single forever…