I keep hearing that if you want something you should ‘put it out in to the universe’ and it will magically come to you. I figured it was worth a try…
Dear Gods of the Dating Universe,
Please consider this my official request for the following: I’m ready for a relationship. I’d like to find a guy who is in his early 30’s. A man with no kids who has never been married. He’ll need to be smart and have a good job. (Since I’m wishing, just go ahead and make him a doctor). He should be attractive and tall and have nice teeth. A non-smoker, obviously. I prefer he’s from the Midwest and has good family values. He has to like sports, and be health conscious. He can’t own white sunglasses or put more time in to his wardrobe than I do. He should like me exactly as I am, and be incapable of playing games. Oh, and I’d also like for him to be genuine, honest, considerate, respectful, trustworthy, and have a good sense of humor. And I don’t want to meet him on a dating website, k?
Patiently awaiting your response,
And just like that, he appeared. When I least expected it. So cliché, right? But I’m serious. Every single thing that I said I wanted, the universe delivered. Through mutual friends, nonetheless. Which is even more ideal because then you have someone to vouch for those characteristics before you even exchange phone numbers. Which we did. And went on a date, because that’s what’s supposed to happen next. And it was promising. And then we went on a second date. I was excited and nervous and 2 glasses of Pinot Noir in, and ready for this thing to happen. And as I sat there at dinner, the figurative heart shaped balloon I had floating above my head just… deflated. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. I just felt… nothing. I’ve heard it said a million times that ‘you just know.’ And at that moment I just knew. I just knew that I wanted to go home alone. And if he didn’t call me again, I wouldn’t be upset. I was confused, disappointed, frustrated, and a little mad at myself. Why couldn’t I make this work? The universe hands me the perfect-on-paper man of my dreams and I’m walking away from him. I guess it’s my own personal character flaw. I can’t force something I don’t feel, even if I used the words “husband-material” for the first time in my life when describing someone.
I realize this may be pushing my luck, but like Nora Roberts said, “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”
Dear Gods of the Dating Universe (Revised),
I want need butterflies. I need chemistry. Sparks. Fireworks. I need the elusive X-factor. I need that intangible tension you feel when you can’t wait to see someone again and you grin somewhere deep down in your soul when you see their name pop up on your phone. I want all the other things on my list too, but I’m willing to compromise. And yes, I know attraction fades. But I refuse to believe that it fades completely. So it has to be there initially, at least a little bit. And at least for me. I’m coming to the realization that maybe I don’t want what everyone else wants. Or what society in general thinks I should want. Even though good-on-paper sounds ideal, I guess it’s just not for me. So if you could just go out there and find exactly what I want, even though I can’t tell you exactly what that is, and magically deliver him in some non-online-dating-forum fashion, that would be awesome.
Do you think the universe has a limitation on wishing for more wishes…?
I’m going to be single forever.