In the aftermath of my 5th unsuccessful internet-dating disaster, I’m trying to remind myself what a good date is supposed to be like. The website has this feature called Date Spark. The idea is that you fill-in-the-blank with your idea of a great date. It could help start a conversation, or maybe it could be what you actually do on your first date with someone if it gets to that point. I haven’t filled it in on my profile yet. And I don’t know if I can. The story of my best-date-ever was pretty unique. And couldn’t have been scripted more perfectly for me. I met this guy, ‘Grant,’ through a friend of a friend. He has one of those charismatic personalities that draws people to him instantly. Doesn’t hurt that he’s incredibly handsome and has a voice that could be on the other end of a 1-900 number. So Grant invites me to a football game, continuing to rack up points rapidly.
The day of the game he pulls up to my apartment and I run down to meet him. In the car he’s got sunscreen and a visor for me. Two things I forgot. Thoughtful. More points. He’s also got a huge thermos of Jack & Coke. What an absolute sweetheart. You’re falling for this guy already too…right? So we tailgate. And we drink. And at some point we made it to our seats. Even though I’m having a blast and have done some damage with the Jack & Coke, I’m still being a little shy and exhibiting some stereotypical ‘girl on a first date’ behaviors. For example, we probably had a few exchanges like this:
Him: “Do you want to go get some dinner after the game?”
Me: “Sure, if you want to.”
Him: “Where do you want to go?”
Me: “I don’t care. I’m not picky. Whatever you want.”
Him: “Do you want to stay til the end of the game?”
Me: “We don’t have to. It’s up to you.”
Finally he put his foot down. “Ok. That’s it. From now on, for the rest of the day, we are not doing anything until you start a sentence with ‘Grant, I want…’” And that’s the way it went. He forced me to come out of my shell and realize that not only was it ok for me have opinions, but to express them as well. It was so fun! For the rest of the day I had to say, “Grant I want to go get another drink.” “Grant I want to get up and go to the bathroom.” “Grant I want to leave and go get food.” So we walked back to his car and proceeded to make out like teenagers. Eventually we made it to dinner, and it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. As it turned out, our chemistry was plutonic. But to this day that was one of my most memorable date experiences and he is still a very close friend.
One of the things I love about Grant is that he’s a great advice giver. Like most of my male friends, he tells the truth as opposed to girlfriends who sometimes tell you what you want to hear to spare your feelings. He told me a story that has resonated with me ever since. I’ll give you the disclaimer that I have no idea whether or not it’s actually true. He said that there was a study done in Lithuania once with newborn babies. They gave the babies everything they needed. All the basic necessities. They gave them bottles, changed their diapers, bathed them, and gave them medicine if they were sick. But the one thing they never did was hold them. And the babies died. A horrific story. Like I said, I have no idea if it’s true. I have my doubts. But it’s a strong message, and a scary one for me due to my perpetual relationship status (or lack, thereof). Luckily I have friends like Grant who will still hold my hand and spoon with me sometimes so I won’t die like the Lithuanian babies, since…
I am going to be single forever.