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Thanks for the idea, Bill Simmons.  Congrats on the Obama interview.  You’re kind of a big deal…

A running commentary, since I’m working alone this evening… these are the thoughts that go through my head as I’m searching for a potential future father for my children that I am still undecided as to whether or not I want to have:

HEADLINES:

“I gotta quit drinking” – I’ve heard that one before (ahem, JP).  I say keep at it buddy.  I can’t imagine your dating calendar is filling up if that’s the phrase you use to describe yourself.   

“Cats are so adorable” – Come ON!!!!  Really!?

“I respect your opinion, but…”   -Does it matter what comes after the “but?” 

“Dr Phil dared me to do it  🙂 ”  -You….. Watch Dr. Phil?

“An explorer on the trail of life.”  -I will be exploring elsewhere.

“Cancelled membership.  Don’t need this site.”   -I am at a loss…as is the rest of the online dating world, apparently.

“Stable and established for my age”   -Minus the beer you’re holding in your primary profile picture?

“I thank God every day for the….”    No.

“Hoping to meet someone genuine before my friends find this and blackmail me..”  –Ha.  Start writing a blog.  It’s a really good excuse when you’re caught  🙂

“Anyone sane?  LOL”   -LOL’s are like emoticons… there is limit on how many you can use.  More so for guys.  There is a time and a place, and it’s not every other sentence.  Putting it in your headline is a clear indication that you abuse it.  And also it makes you sound like a teenage girl.  Lol! 

“Unphotogenic guy looking for a good girl”  -yup

SCREEN NAMES:

“MustHavSkillz”  –Are you Jesse from Breaking Bad, yo?

“Jailtimeforher” – Please tell me I am reading this wrong?

“PuravidaRsq” – Someone’s been to Costa Rica!  So why couldn’t you have used a picture from your trip instead of the one on your iphone in front of your bathroom mirror!?

“BackInTheSaddle” – aka…. Ihavebaggage  ?

“FrmrProWrestler” – Eew what if he has that cauliflower ear thing!?

MISCELLANEOUS:

White sunglasses:  – Just….. NO.

Age:  54:   ……?  How does this even show up on my screen?  My FATHER is 54 for the love of G0d!!!  

“My political views: I LOVE THE GAYS.”   –And I love YOU!  What a refreshingly awesome answer.

“Why does everybody have at least one picture of their dogs?”   Amen, sir.  And I’m not even religious. 

“Have kids: Yes, they sometimes live at home (1)”  – Which means I will not ever be visiting your home, which means I should probably just delete you now.

“Good God! Being on this site is like being on a StairMaster . . . because it’s EXHAUSTING!”  –Now that’s an opening line.  Really too bad I’ve exhausted my tolerance for comedians…

“I’m not sold on the idea that online dating actually works. However, I am 35 and going to bars to meet girls at this age reminds me too much of an Uncle I had who drove a Corvette and wore a mustache. Not to mention the fact that most of my friends are married. So here I am.”  -I don’t think you’re my type at all, but I’m winking at you because that’s amazing. 

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out? ~Dr. Seuss”   – Note to self:  Borrow this headline.  (Although I’m not entirely sure this was said by Dr. Seuss and not Lady Gaga).

But do I really have to stand out by being single forever…?

TPB

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