No… not together. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Ladies and gentleman… alert the presses. Send an email. Post it on Facebook. Tweet it. Blog about it. Send a mass text message. Today, we’ve finally found an honest man!!!
Prospective Bachelor #3,094 writes the following in his “hobbies” section:
Movies, Art, Theater, sex, soccer, lacrosse, family, fishing/crabbing, boating, traveling, gear head.
Well hallelujah! Me too! And I am not referring to lacrosse. (I’m not allowed to play contact sports). When I saw that he included sex as a hobby it occurred to me that that’s the first time amidst all of the random, cheesy, off the wall profiles I’ve seen that someone actually admitted to enjoying this as a hobby. I didn’t include it in mine because, well, I guess it kind of makes you look bad. Let’s be honest- If a guy sees that a girl writes “sex” as a hobby, he’s going to think either a) jackpot! b) she’s easy, c) her number must be high, and/or d) I’d hook up with her, but never date her. Hmm… I have a major problem with this. That’s not exactly fair, is it? Don’t we ALL like sex? Whether you’ve been with 1 person or 100, everybody does it. It’s just as common as everyone liking movies, isn’t it? Hopefully more so… And whether you do it once a day (lucky you), once a week, or once a month, it’s still something you enjoy, right? (If you answered no to that question, come see me in 3 years and we’ll talk about it…). But my point is that I really think there is a problem with our society and the fact that sex has become a taboo topic. It doesn’t have to be dirty. We should be able to discuss it as easily as we discuss our passions for travel, exercise, sports, art, music, or… gear head. Whatever that is…?
So even though #3,094 is 10+ years older than me and has 2 children, I decided to read the rest of his profile anyway. All 710 words of it. Thats more than double the average. But I have to give you bits and pieces of this one because it was pretty entertaining, and I actually think the guy is on to something…
“What I have read about others so far is you write all the good things about yourself. Well I think we all know that no body is that open, nice, adventurous, smart, creative, hard worker, ambitious, etc. So I am going to write all my bad qualities so we can get it over with… My closest friend thinks I am a nut case… I am going bald and have lots of gray hair in places they should not be… My grandmother says I am too skinny… 75% of all my clothes are stained with paints and other liquids… I generally walk around in rags with my butt hanging out and I really don’t give a @#@##%… I hate watching American football…”
He lost me with the last comment, but I really liked his thought process. It’s true that everyone starts their profiles by telling you how honest, trustworthy, and wonderfully amazing they are. An internet dating profile is like a first date. Everyone is trying to put their best foot forward, and probably embellishing. At least a little. The website should add a section titled “Things that might bug you about me,” or “Things that drove my ex crazy.” You could admit that you call your mother 3 times a day, sit on the couch in your sweaty gym clothes, or have a tendency to lose your cell phone every weekend because you’ve had one too many Jamesons. Hey, at least it’s already out there.
Last week, I had a few slightly mortifying experiences that occurred as a result of online dating. Humiliation strikes again. Today I opened up my daily matches only to be staring at a photo of my ex boyfriend. I use ‘boyfriend’ for lack of a better word, because he was one of those gray-area situations. He might be the closest thing to real I’ve ever had though. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed because he’s on here too. He can’t exactly make fun of me for it. But it’s just so not my thing! And now I have to acknowledge it because I know he’s seen me and it will make it more weird if I don’t say anything. I’ll just have to send him the blog as a form of justification. I think I can do that because we’ve slowly started to become friends – 4 years after the fact. Yes, just what I need. Another male friend.
I’m going to be single forever.