Date 3 – in the books.
No, it was not WBG. Pretty sure that door has closed. I think he got a little upset when I asked him to stop calling me “hun.” I do realize this is a personal and unusual pet peeve . Call it picky if you want. I’m not saying – nor did I ever say – that he was a bad guy or there was anything wrong with him. I actually thought he was great. I’m sure he’ll make some girl really happy some day. But I am not destined to be his “princess.”
Last night I went out with Wildcat. (See: Houston, We Have Some Problems). It was a little less awkward than the first two dates, maybe just because I’m getting used to hugging perfect strangers. I’m also getting better at hiding my disappointed facial expression when I realize that “6 feet tall” in internet-dating lingo actually means “5’10.” There’s nothing wrong with 5’10, but there is something wrong with lying. I guess I’ll just have to interpret the height information the way you’re supposed to interpretthe number-of-sexual-partners question. Men lie “up” and women lie “down.” (Ha… women lie down… that wasn’t intentional). Anyway, we had a good time. Good conversation, no awkward silences, no red flags. He’s smart, easy to talk to, has nice teeth, seems down to earth, loves sports, and is close with his family. All good things. We both work out, and we like the same music and movies. Etc, etc, etc. So far, so good. But all of those things are just ‘surface’ stuff. We could be friends for sure, but if we’re going to engage in some kind of relationship, I need to know how he thinks, what he feels, what he wants, what he’s passionate about, and maybe a little about his past relationships and why they didn’t work.
Somewhere throughout the course of the evolution of dating, society decided to make certain subjects ‘taboo.’ You’re not supposed to talk about past relationships or sex. You shouldn’t talk about politics or religion. Money questions are off limits. If you ask about family dynamics, you may be getting too personal. Umm…. I’m sorry but if I’m looking at this person as a potential life partner and future father of my children, I want to know where he stands on public policies. Iwant to know if he goes to church every Sunday and expects his family to do the same. I want to know if he’s close with his family, if he was married in the past, if he was in a 5 year relationship and had his heart broken, or if he’s been living life as a playboy. For the sake of making a point, I will admit that I watch The Bachelor. I always thought it was odd and uncomfortable that the guy and the girl ask each other questions on the first date like “do you want kids?” “when do you want kids?” and “how many kids do you want?” But I have to say… I get it now. It’s not about a right or wrong answer, it’s about figuring out if you’re compatible. If you’re not, no harm no foul. You know right away and no one’s time has been wasted. And you haven’t gotten yourself in to a relationship where you’ve actually developed feelings for the person only to have a tearful, painful breakup tacking on more bitterness and resentment years down the road.
So I mentioned the unmentionable. I brought up almost all of those taboo topics. And ya know what? It resulted in better, more substantial, more engaging, more constructive conversation. I need to have someone I feel I can talk to, uncensored. His opinions don’t have to be the same as mine, but I think he should have opinions. You think a couple shouldn’t live together until they’re married? I disagree, but let’s discuss. You hate Lebron for leaving Cleveland? I don’t. Lets debate. You don’t supportgay marriage? (A sensitive example, because that’s a deal breaker for me). But you’re entitled to your opinion. Explain it to me. I think Wildcat actually appreciated my candor and willingness to bring up these subjects. We stayed long enough for him to have 3 drinks, so he wasn’t exactly rushing out the door. But he’s out of town visiting family this weekend, and there was no mention of setting up another date. It won’t break my heart if we don’t, but sometimes I wish it was acceptable to ask someone at the end of a date, “so, do you like me or not?” That’s one question that is still taboo, even for me.
I’m going to be single forever.